Affirmations Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem, Confidence, and Sense of Self

To build up positive self-esteem, we need to help children develop intrinsic motivation; the good feelings that come from within them whenever they complete a task or accomplish something. By praising children, you’re showing them how to view themselves in a positive manner and helping them recognise when they do well.

Psychologists have found that individuals with intrinsic motivation are more likely to be successful, committed, persistent, and creative. It also has several long-term advantages such as higher self-confidence, self-determination, and cognitive hardiness, all the good traits we would want to foster within our little ones!

While it is much easier to respond with a “wow, good!” or award them with tangible reinforcements such as a new toy, sticker, or candy, we can do better to help our child inculcate intrinsic motivation and hence build up their self-esteem through more meaningful words.

Affirmations enhance perseverance

Whenever your child says “I can’t do it”, words of encouragement can help them persevere on the task on hand. For instance, you could say, “you managed to climb to the top the last time you’re here, I’m sure you can do it this time too!”. This reminds your child of their success in the past and spurs them on to persist and try again!

Be specific and descriptive

Rather than use generic phrases like, “That’s awesome!”, be specific and descriptive in your praise to direct them to the positive behaviour or action. Instead, say, “That’s great, you came out with a thoughtful answer“!

Specific and descriptive words of encouragement also signal to your child that you have been paying attention to them and that you really care! These affirmations are found to be more effective to encourage positive behaviour in children.

Praise sincerely and honestly

Exaggerated praises could harm a child. Instead of saying “you’re a genius!”, put more thought into your encouragement, “I really like the response you gave”

“Praise, like penicillin, must not be administered haphazardly. There are rules and cautions that govern the handling of potent medicines—rules about timing and dosage, cautions about possible allergic reactions. There are similar regulations about the administration of emotional medicine.”—Dr. Haim Ginott

Praise the process and effort, and not the ability

Although encouraging ability (“You’re so smart!”) provides immediate motivation, it may not work in the long run as it sends a subtle message that their achievements were a result of their abilities, rather than their effort. Instead, encourage their efforts, “I can see that you worked really hard to solve this puzzle!”

Repeat what they did

Little children enjoy telling you about your day. Sometimes, they want to be acknowledged and rather than just saying, “wow, you did a great job in school today”, you may just want to repeat to them what they told you or what they did. “Wow, you did help your classmate out by helping to find her favourite pencil today!”